A home full of women does not meet ideal means of subsistence. I am fond of my wife, Mrs. Bennet, however all she ever wants is to send my girls off to be wed. She has me take on the hard work and welcome all these new men into our home, just so our girls can go dance with them at a ball. I do adore my eldest, Jane, of course, but my favorite has always been Lizzy. She is much like me, and our bond is like no other.

Recently, my cousin, Mr. Collins, has written to us saying he would like to visit as he will inherit my property after I pass. Later in the evening, Mr. Collins decided he wanted to look for a companion in one of my daughters. He first chose Jane and soon found out she is already engaged to Mr. Bingley, one of the men I had to invite into our lives. Brushing Jane off of his shoulders, he chose to propose to my dear Lizzy. She refused, which allows me to be even more fond of her now than before.

Mrs. Bennet was oh so happy that Mr. Collins proposed, but oh so unhappy about her refusal. She conversed with Mr. Collins, saying he must not take back his proposal, as Lizzy would be forced to say yes from both of her parents. As I was reading, calmly, attempting to get some peace from my family, Mrs. Bennet came rushing in, looking very frazzled. She said I must talk Lizzy into changing her mind, and if not, she would never speak to Lizzy again. Why my wife would want to send her off at first chance, I’m very uncertain. Being the father and husband I am, I followed orders, but just could not bear to tell Lizzy to marry him because I did not believe in it either. I told Lizzy she must choose between her parents, for if she married Mr. Collins I would never speak to her again. I felt badly for having to leave her to a difficult decision, and as for my wife, she’s is most likely very disappointed in me. At least now maybe she won’t barge in every second something does not go in her favor to ask for my assistance, as it truly came back at her this time. Now to begin reading again, where was I?

UNFORTUNATELY IT IS MY TURN TO PITY MY POOR NERVES

Lately, my life has evolved into such a loop of obscure events and plain horrible people. I cannot comprehend how Charlotte could marry Mr. Collins so easily, while I immediately rejected his proposal. And for Mr. Darcy, he is a loathsome man and I do not want to have anything to do with him. Not only has he ruined my dear sister’s chances of marriage herself, but now after telling me I “[was] tolerable, but not handsome enough” when we first met and all of a sudden saying he loves me, is not something I find captivating. For him to just spontaneously start longing for my attention, it is disrespectful and unadmirable.

To think if I would’ve said yes to his proposal! To be married to him would mean spending time with Miss Darcy after she’s practically beseeching everyone around her to present her with compliments to make Mr. Bingley fall in love with her. How can she be of so much need for a husband that she has to wreak havoc on my family? Jane is the type of person and sister that would do anything for you, someone who apologizes for circumstances which are not even her own. She would never hurt Miss Darcy, and now she’s utterly heartbroken!

As for Mr. Wickham, I am pleased to have found out about his dishonesty in just about every affair before it was too late. To think I even tried to please him in any way is very concerning of me. I despise him for saying my family is not wealthy enough to support him. I understand we are not prosperous when it comes to money, but is that all he wants in a wife? For this, I pity Miss King. She must be very oblivious to his wants, especially due to the fact she was never mentioned until she received her inheritance. I wish her the best fortune in her marriage, and hope he does not continue to lie, as he did to me.

I am informed that after my dear father passes, if I have not found a husband to provide for me, I shall be left with nothing. However, all around me marriage seems so full of desolation. As am I, for I also pity myself for being so easily persuaded by Mr. Wickham. He should never have influenced the way I feel towards Mr. Darcy and I am truly ashamed of myself. I am sure my mother would tell me to “pity my poor nerves” and this time, I do listen to her. For I have possibly ruined my chances of someone who may truly have a good heart in the end.

What a Lovely and Unlovely Day

Life has treated my daughters so excellently in the last few days. Three of them, Jane, Elizabeth, and Lydia, are newly weds! I am greatly ecstatic for my dear daughters as they can now experience a much more important life. Marriage is a new beginning for women in today’s regulations, because we are seen as inferior to men. It makes me even more ecstatic that my daughters have married into wealth as they will prosper greatly with support from their husbands.

I am sure my husband, Mr. Bennet, is very pleased the commotion in our home will subside without most of our daughters around, but poor Mary seems to be a downhearted case when it comes to marriage. She acts nothing like her sisters and never wants to go to the ball and meet prospective marriage partners.

I am very confused as to why my daughters moved away from home in Longbourne. I hope I did not do anything to push them away, but I know I can be a little overbearing…but only every once in a while. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy moved to Pemberleigh, Jane and Mr. Bingley moved to London, and Lydia and Mr. Wickham moved to New Castle. It just tears me apart that they had to go so far away. How am I ever going to help them take new steps in their new lives? And then there’s Kitty. She lost her best friend and dear sister, Lydia, but she has become much more mature since then.

I haven’t a clue what I am going to spend my time at home doing now that my daughters have left. Mr. Bennet spends so much time reading and we do not tend to agree on most topics important enough to discuss. I attributed so much to my daughter’s lives and I do not know how they will live a life without me! I am very glad they have found good companions to live alongside, but I am already so sincerely bored without them wanting to travel or go to balls. I do not know that I wish I was more like Mr. Bennet and Mary, who would much rather be reading and keeping to themselves, but I do wish there was more excitement around dear Longbourne. Oh if Mary could just start to become more interested in the thought of marriage, life would be much more bearable!